


what the universe gave us

by gukkieandtae



Category: taekook - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Magic, Demon Taehyung, Fantasy, Human Jungkook, Lovers, M/M, Romance, Smut, Soulmates, eternal love, taekook, taekook reincarnation, taekook soulmate, taekook soulmate reincarnation, taekook soulmates, vkook
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-03-31 19:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13981617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gukkieandtae/pseuds/gukkieandtae
Summary: "what if you were told you could change your fate?""why would I want to change my fate when the universe gave me you, hyung?"or, jeongguk remembers things he isn't supposed to and taehyung is trying to find him in every lifetime.





	1. in the beginning, there was only us.

chapter one.

 

_[the morning will come again because no darkness, no season, can last forever - spring day]_

 

Jungkook stands in a clearing. The trees around him are so tall they almost touch the sky. Pure white snowflakes fall all around. He can feel them melt on his skin but he isn't cold. The winter breeze can't overcome the warmth of his beating heart. He listens closely to the regular beats and slows them down. He's in control. The world around him stops briefly and he bathes in the contentment, lets it wash over him as if it was the gentlest waves of the bluest ocean.

 He listens to the soft crisp sound of the leaves scattered around under his feet as he walks. A tiny, fluffy bunny darts into the nearest bush, startled by his sudden appearance. Jungkook's watches as his exhaled breath condenses into a mist. A short but forceful breeze hits his cheeks, turning them a rose-pink colour. His light auburn hair sweeps back in a tangled mess from the force of the wind. The sound of a rattled chain makes him look down to where the sound came from. A beautiful, light silver chain hangs from his delicate wrist. Jungkook brings his accessory closer to his face to inspect it. The beads on the bracelet gleam from the sun that shines down on him through the crowded trees.

The branches, small and brown, become decorated with sprinkles of white. Jungkook doesn't know where the bracelet miraculously came from. He's sure he has never seen it before but he can almost feel the significance of it. On closer inspection, he finds his initials carved on the inside of the silver chain. Another set of initials are alongside it -K.T. Jungkook's brows furrow. Confusion stirs in his mind when he doesn't recognise the other initials. _Who is K.T?_

A moment passes and the world shakes. Jungkook's legs give out on him. He yelps as he falls down into the crunchy snow and suddenly the world tips, plunging into darkness. Jungkook's breath hitches at the jolt and he panics, eyes darting frantically, left and right. All he can do is search for something as he stands to steady himself. Why had it become so cold all a sudden? His head spins, legs wobbling beneath him again, the threat of falling highly likely. With another violent jerk, the world flips and the light returns. The intensity of it almost blinds him at first, but soon enough his eyes flutter open and he can see around him. He finds himself inside what seems to be a little cafe. The taste of coffee is fresh on his tongue. The heated liquid flows down his throat, sending a blessed warmness into his stomach. It was a sharp contrast from the bitter cold before. He doesn't want to go back to that place - wherever it was. He flinches from surprise when he sees a man sat opposite him.

Blazing, crimson red hair catches Jungkook's attention first. He stares with his mouth wide open, looking the stranger up and down, wondering who the hell he was. He couldn't see much of the man as he seemed to be somewhat blurred out like he didn't belong there. Jungkook can only see the vivid red atop his head. Jungkook can tell he must have looked scared as the man's eyes soften at the edges. He grabs Jungkook's hand with tender care and interlocks their fingers. The gentleness of the touch makes Jungkook gasp. The warmth from the man's fingers warms up Jungkook's frozen ones. Jungkook's eyebrows furrow in confusion, but he doesn't squirm away from the touch. Jungkook still finds it hard to process how real this all feels. Is he dreaming?

 "Guk-ah? What's wrong? Do you not like my hair? Is it too much?" The man pouts, combing his slender fingers through his hair. Only Jimin calls him Guk.

Jungkook did not expect a deep, rich voice like that to tumble out from the man. It seemed very familiar like he heard the voice in a song before. He didn't know how the man knew his name either but decided not to think too much about it. Jungkook can't quite grasp the situation he's in. He can't help but want to hear more of the stranger's strangely familiar, deep voice. The voice reminds him of the smoothest caramel and long summer days. The freedom to play, warm seas to swim in and getting tucked into bed like a little child.

 All of a sudden, all he sees is black before colour returns. It's as if he's pushed out of his own body. He stands in front of the table he had sat at, watching himself speaking to the crimson-haired man. It almost reminds him of a movie, a script from an extract of something. Jungkook didn't know what was going on. How he's supposed to feel. He stands there, staring with wide eyes. It's when he hears the copy of himself speaking a shiver goes down his spine.

" _No! No,_ " He hurries out in alarm. Jungkook, watching from the side, felt guilty. It was definitely weird, creepy even, to have someone who looks like him but isn't, talk using his voice. Jungkook finds it tricky to comprehend the fact he was able to feel the same emotions. As if it was him that was sitting down and engaging in a real conversation. He has no idea where these feelings come from. He isn't the one talking. " _It's just... uh, a little different? You look really pretty Hyung, you always do! I guess it just shocked me a little at first._ " From what Jungkook could see, the man sitting across 'him' was definitely beautiful. Angelic even. Jungkook swallows. He starts to freak out a little. Another violent shiver runs down his spine and he tries and fails, to swallow the lump growing in his throat. All this must be a dream. It _had_ to be. There was no other explanation.

Another sudden blackness claiming his vision. He's returned back into his body sat down at the table. He starts to accumulate a small headache from getting jolted about all over the place. It takes a moment to try and stop the dizziness he feels, the scenario causing confusion to add to the heavy weight of the pain in his mind. The cafe they are sat in is practically quiet, apart from the odd chatter from a couple of people here and there. Jungkook pays no attention to the people around him. All he focuses on is the blurry silhouette that sits in front of him. At this moment, it's just the two of them, in their little bubble. Jungkook feels an overwhelming sense of affection. He knows he should be trying to retrieve his hands from the shadowy figure, but he strangely feels safe. He feels like he's held these hands before, somewhere else. Jungkook makes out one small mole placed at the tip of the man's nose. He finds it cute.

The man smiles sweetly and Jungkook's head starts to throb painfully. He finds the world around him twisting again. His shoulders start to shake and his hands tremble. Despite the iron grip interlocking his and the man's hands together. Jungkook's heart pounds frantically in his chest. Breathing laboured, he gets the sudden urge to hug the man, pull him close to his embrace, to protect him. He finds the urge so strong he pulls away. His hands tremble stronger now, and hot tears start to blur his sight. Chilly wind breezes past him, a sharper, colder chill than before. Jungkook doesn't know where he is or what he's doing. He feels as if a tonne of bricks has been dumped on his shoulders, weighing him down. He's so lost, the heavy feeling weighing down on him, adding to the weight. The silhouette of the man starts to wither from his view. His heart aches oh so terribly.

"G-Gukkie?" The man's eyes widen in fear, voice sounding frantic and desperate, body starting to shake. Jungkook's hit with a shock, the man fading slowly like snowflakes in a warm hand. His mind swims in dread, becoming all he could think about. He grips the table with clammy hands, knuckles turning a daisy white. In a fatal last attempt of triumph, Jungkook clumsily reaches out. Trying to grab the slender fingers stretched out towards him, he realises he can't. He tries, but his hands just go through the man's, like he was a ghost. All Jungkook's left with is the ghost of what was once someone. His hands still reaching out towards nothingness, left hanging in the air. Jungkook tries to think about what happened, but he can't. The man had disappeared and alongside, what felt like, a part of him disappearing too.

Next thing Jungkook knows, he's thrown from one place to another like he was nothing more than a dingy rag doll. He feels sick. Like he's being repeatedly punched in the gut. His stomach threatens to throw up its contents. His head pounds and the world takes more than a few seconds to stop spinning. He grounds himself finally. He can hardly see through the fog that surrounds him. If he squints hard enough, he can almost see the highest tops of trees. Even that begins to blend in with the grey fog. It becomes exceedingly harder to see in the darkness that covers the sky like a thick blanket. Quivering, he wipes the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, breathing out in a shaky exhale. With clenched fists and stiff shoulders, Jungkook hesitatingly walks forward. His legs twitch with the urge to suddenly turn around and run. Where to exactly, he has no clue, but the eerily quiet surroundings have him on edge. He wants nothing more than to escape this dark place he's in. It's when he hears a small whisper in his ear his throat closes. His teeth sink down into the fleshy skin on his lips, the flavour of salty blood fills his mouth. The metallic taste and slight aching pain from the hardness of the bite making him wince. The temperature's cool, a little damp too like he's teleported into a swamp. Sweat sticks uncomfortably his t-shirt to his back. The only sound he can hear is the loud roar of his pulse in his ears.

The silence surrendered to the haunting scream of footsteps. Ones that happened to not belong to Jungkook. Each second seems to play on forever. Jungkook looks for an escape but he has nowhere to run to. So stands defeated, feet stuck to the ground as if they had been superglued there His breath leaves him in small pants. He flinches back as a black figure approaches him. Jungkook could tell by the posture of the figure it seemed confident. Shoulders broad and head at an angle, looking at him with complete interest. The booming authority makes Jungkook cower. His entire body shakes from the extortion of fear. His lungs tighten and his heart pumps loudly, but the air didn't seem to be enough. In a flurry panic, he starts to turn backwards. He staggers as he does so in an attempt to flee from the threatening figure

He doesn't get far before a strong grip on his arm yanks him backwards. He gasps from the excruciatingly painful burning sensation he gets from the touch. He falls to his knees with a thump, body no longer able to hold him up. The figure in black releases his grip. Jungkook can only see the outline of a pleased smirk that makes his skin crawl and stomach churn in terror. The touch scorches him, so much that tears leak from his eyes. The wretched feeling of missing something had overpowered the pain. It was there, prominent and powerful. Jungkook threw up,  violently shuddering, swaying from side to side as if he was drunk. His body breaks out in a sweat, the temperature increases so much it was as if he was being boiled alive. It was so hot. It felt like he was being burned alive. Like a witch on a stake. Despite the burning, when he looks at his trembling hands, sees perfectly intact skin. Not a burn mark in sight. He's disoriented, perplexed, afraid. What was even happening?

He blinks, exhales, and blinks with more force, trying to get rid of the cloudiness obstructing his vision. Before he could defend himself, he feels hands roughly grab at both his shoulders. A faraway shout is the last thing he hears as he falls. All he feels is blinding pain, his muscles lighting on fire and red bursting behind his eyelids.

And then nothing.

**-**

Jungkook jolts awake with a gasp.

He's panting, drenched in a cold sweat, the duvet long since thrown hastily ontothe floor. He tries to reassure himself, but it doesn't slow down the erratic pulse of his heart, chest tightening. He wants to cry, finding himself yearning for something - someone that seems to be missing, taken away from him, even if he didn't know who or why. He frowns. Why can't he remember what he dreamt about? What was he so upset about?

He scratches his neck and ponders. He's sure he looks bewildered, but he doesn't care, not when no one was there to see him in the darkness of his room. Not when his heart felt like it was about to burst from his chest. Jungkook caps his hands over his ears precariously. He can still hear the distressed shout of his name. He takes his hands away abruptly but goes and tries again. He still hears it. Why is he hearing this? When he closes his eyes for a moment and opens them, he is sure he sees a hooded figure. When he blinks, the human shape is gone.

He exhales a small, shaky breath to try and console himself. He turns his head to the clock beside his bed. It reads; 03:23.

He leans his cheek back on his pillow, curling in on himself. His mind becomes a distorted mess of thoughts and feelings. It all crashes down on him like pounds of sandbags. His breath catches in his throat and he jerks his hand out from the covers. He feels the ghost of a touch on his wrist and the hair on the back of his neck stands up. If he focuses on his porcelain wrist, a slight burn is present and a sinking feeling sets. Has he always been missing something on his wrist? Why does he even feel this way? He never wears anything on his wrists. For the first time, he feels as if he's missing something important. He rubs the smooth skin around his wrist, deep in thought. He tries to conjure up anything that could help him guess what he could be missing. When he's met with a blank slate, he sighs in exasperation. He swallows his saliva, wincing at the sandpaper feeling of his throat. He tastes a faint hint of something, something so familiar to the taste of coffee. But it makes no sense, he despises the bitter taste of coffee. Is his mind playing tricks on him now?

A wave of nostalgia washes over him, resigning deep into the home of his heart. The ache worsens in his chest. He's sure he's missing something. He murmurs one thing into the empty stillness of his room, still staring at the skin on his wrist.

"K.T?"

  _He secretly loves the way it rolls off his tongue._

**-**

The birds chirp outside, the sky a soft baby blue with clouds scattered everywhere.

Jungkook finds himself in college, like most students on a slow, snowy Tuesday morning. Somehow finds he regrets the decision as he rubs his tired eyes, his brain feeling stuffy and clogged. He feels nauseous but continues to slave away in the confinements of the college art room. He stares absentmindedly at the unoccupied chairs. The chatter from students behind him reminds him that he's not so alone.

"Jungkookieee!" Jimin, one if his best friends, sings. The door behind him slams open with so much force that it makes a harsh slamming noise. It was enough to make Jungkook tsk, annoyed at the sound. Jimin came ambling towards him, a lazy smile of amusement playing at his lips. He leans over the younger's shoulder, watching him as he sketches delicately over his page. Jungkook's hand stills and he starts to look absent, focusing on the window opposite him. Jimin sees the way Jungkook slumps in his chair, hands gripping the pen tightly. He can tell that something is not quite right.

Looking down at the piece of paper, Jungkook frowns. He doesn't know why, or how he does it, but he manages to draw the same features of a man he has never seen before. At first, he found it strange. Now he borderlines on uncomfortable and completely insane. The eyes of the man haunt him in the drawings, follows him everywhere. He can't work out where they were from and it frustrates him. The dream, on top of everything else, doesn't help him. 

"Whose eyes are those?" Jimin asks, finally seeing the younger coming to terms with the real world around him.

"I...I don't know." He mutters. He traces the outline of the eyes on the page. He has a feeling. Something deep and nostalgic bubbling inside of him, smelling like strawberries and vanilla. Tasting of caramel macchiatos and rich chocolate. It stirs something sad within him, something melancholy, something bitter. A feeling. Jungkook pushes the pencil down so hard on the paper that the tip breaks off with a small snap. Jimin looks at him worriedly, pulling out a chair to sit down next to Jungkook.

"What do you mean you don't know? Drawing some random eyes?" Jimin inquires, sounding interested as he perks up next to Jungkook. Jungkook shakes his head and sighs. He rips out the sketch and crumples it up in his calloused hands. One of the best sketches he has done yet. He chucks it in one of the nearest bins. Jimin has no time to process the younger's actions as he turns to grab another pencil. Jimin guesses the conversation is over. Jungkook has always been like that. Jimin goes to speak again, but Jungkook ignores him and Jimin smiles  sadly  . He ruffles the youngers hair, earning a groan of displeasure in response. He leans forward, outstretches his hand and hovers his hand over Jungkook's sketchbook. Jimin waits for Jungkook's approval. When Jungkook looks over to Jimin's outstretched hand, he grumbles. He doesn't take the sketchbook back and Jimin takes it as an all go to look inside. He opens the sketchbook  carefully , scanning the pages, the anticipation burning inside him.

The first page is a widespread scenic view. A petite cottage sits in the middle of the page, looking on towards a teal coloured ocean. Watercolours of blue swirl and mix together. Jimin sucks in a breath as he finds the familiar eyes Jungkook was drawing imprinted on the page. Only this time, there was a build of a man painted wearing casual attire. The man's lips tug up into a smile, painted so the man was looking through the viewfinder of a camera. Long, slender fingers grip the object like a professional. He skips ahead a few pages and stumbled across one that perks his interest. It was a drawing of a park, covered in a thick blanket of snow. Statues peek out from their new white caps. Footsteps and paw prints crisscrossed each other around the labyrinth of paths. The intricate detail surprises Jimin. The man is there again, but this time he's drawn shorter, younger. He's wearing blue - only blue - and an old polaroid hangs off a chain around his tanned neck.

Jimin feels intrusive. Like he has stumbled upon something that he shouldn't have. He couldn't help but trace the man's face with a nimble finger. Jimin turns the page and comes across tons of eyes. Some eyes are crinkled at the corners from happiness, enjoyment even. But, there was something that made Jimin feel sympathetic. The eyes held a somewhat tired expression. Wrinkles and dark bags hide underneath the waterline. But this boy is happy regardless. He can tell from the eyes he's smiling, despite the weariness that surfaced. The boy looks like he's in love. Even though only half of the drawing finished, it felt like it's done like that on purpose. Albeit, the detail made Jimin wonder. What sort of impact Jungkook had in his life recently that made him draw something so detailed?

He couldn't stop himself from flicking through the rest of the pages. Even if he was invading Jungkook's privacy, the younger had agreed with a shrug. Whether it be a page full of eyes, crinkling, smiling or crying. Pages full of mouths tugged up into a smirk or frowning. The pages consisted of the unidentified man. Jimin closed the sketchbook and took a good look at Jungkook. He didn't look any different or acted any different. He was a little more dazed than usual, but what was Jimin to do with that? Jimin pushed all his thoughts aside and decided it'd be better if he left it alone. Jimin stood, exclaiming he was going to the canteen for some much-needed food.

"Want anything Gukkie?" Jimin asked, pausing to turn around and look at the younger. Jimin begins to frown when he finds Jungkook's mouth to be open, eyes wide in alarm.

_"G-Gukkie!"_

Jimin sees the pained expression Jungkook pulls."What?" He questions confused, "Did you hurt yourself or something?"

Jungkook shakes his head, having a little difficulty in swallowing. "Eh, no, it's...nothing," He smiles, yet it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Can you get me some water please Hyung?"

"Wow! You called me Hyung, are you sure you're okay?" Jimin teases. He even walks up to jungkook and rests a palm on his forehead and pretends to take his temperature. Jungkook swats his hand away with a weary laugh. Jungkook watches Jimin skip away merrily.

He smiles, watching him.

Picking up his pencil, he goes back to sketching, wishing his thoughts would stop being so loud in his head. 

  **-**

When Jungkook jerks away for the fourth night in a row, he knows something isn't right. 

The only infuriating thing is that he can hardly remember the dreams _\- nightmares more like._  He wakes up with hardly any recollection. All Jungkook knows is that no dream is the same. It all feels so real, and it scares him. It feels all too real even after he wakes up. On some odd days, he finds himself crying without knowing why. He knows the man in his dreams is a stranger, but someone he knows well. He's not even sure why it bothers him so much, it's a dream, nothing more. The internet gives him no answers. It's not like he could ask anyone around him without getting weird looks either. So what was he to do? The scenes in the dreams look like they're a cut from a drama with the old buildings and clothes. Somehow, somewhere deep inside in his chest, Jungkook suspects that it's not dreams. They had to be something more. He decides to cut his thoughts off. The only bit that shakes him up, even more, is he dies. After every single dream, he dies. Or that's what he presumes. He's not actually sure. He can only remember feeling an indescribable amount of burning pain then nothing. It's unnerving and makes him restless.

His ringtone blaring out snaps him from the scramble of thoughts. It's Jimin. 

_"Hey Gukkie, wanna meet up?"_  

He thinks for a moment. Does he want to? Yes. He needs to see Jimin to keep his sanity. 

"Uh...sure. How about the coffee place down the road from college?"

_"The cute one that makes the best hot chocolate!?"_ Jungkook can feel Jimin's excitement radiate through the phone. It makes him happy.

"Yes hyung," Jungkook laughs. "I'll pay." 

_"Oh my god thank you so much Guk! See you in ten okay?"_

"Yeah, okay." 

He hangs up and starts getting ready.

**-**

If there is one thing Taehyung has known for centuries, is that; it never gets easier. Another thing he knows is that he isn't talented; just very good at finding Jungkook.

In every life, they find each other, drawn to each other, like moths to flames. Yet Taehyung was always the one to bare something so horriblyburdening. His lover's dead body haunts him, how could he forget it? Whether Jungkook had bled out, drowned or shot- he died, all the time. Then as some sick joke, he appears again, somewhere different. Hair colour changed from a dark blonde to a brown, to purple - it never matters. He gets reincarnated. Something like that. It's a sickening curse. Taehyung, god knows how many lives in, has become numb to the pain, has become numb to it all.

Taehyung's feeling for him never change. Jungkook always remembers.

He has tried to separate himself from Jungkook and sometimes, it almost works. Taehyung was stern and horrible. So much so that he doesn't want to remember those times. He tells Jungkook to fuck off, leave him alone, but it doesn't work. Never does. Taehyung always apologises, lets the guilt eat him up and burrow deep into his soul. His heart aches as he knows what's to come. No matter how much he tries to avoid the younger, they fall in love all over again. They kiss and Jungkook remembers, his eyes flash in recognition and then there is nothing. The thing with meeting Taehyung is that Jungkook can never get out of it. He was born only to suffer and it's all Taehyung's fault. Every time they meet it's already the end. Destined to always follow this routine that Taehyung has to repeat over and over, and over, and over.

_And for, what he thinks, the hundreds of thousandths of times, Taehyung will take the blame again._

**-**

It's around six pm when the sun begins to set. The season casts an orange haze above the horizon, lighting up the sky as if lit by fire, yet the haze was so crisp and clear. The sun, like a grandeur orange fireball in the distance, was  partially  cloaked by the clouds. All splashed with the random colours of hot pinks, reds and even hints of purples and blues. The sun was so large that he felt he could almost touch it. It seemed to look at him with a dull glare. Knowing that it's beauty and the planet's dependence on it for survival made up for it. The sun, which had it's time to shine, seemed to whisper "Goodbye" to the world as it sunk lower and lower in a lazy manner. Almost as if it never wanted to leave.

Jungkook has to admit, spring isn't his favourite season. He preferred winter, the warmth of a mug between his palms. He thinks of baggy sweaters and oversized beanies that covers his ears. He thinks of  utterly  quiet nights of being wound in sheets and blankets. The cold only a whisper from outside. Complete comfort and warmth. With the bite of cold to enhance how serene the sanctity of the little cocoon you make is. So despite the crisp, cool air outside, both Jimin and Jungkook were lazing around in the library. They were both set on finishing some homework and projects, getting it all out of the way.

"Have you heard Guk? There's a transfer student that's coming here. I volunteered to show him around and  apparently  , he's sweet and cute and-  _are you even listening?_ "

Jungkook hums and continues to stare at his phone screen. "I was listening about..." He checks his wrist to look at an invisible watch. "roughly five minutes ago."

"You brat!" Jimin shouts, springing up from his seat and pinching Jungkook's thigh. Jimin earns a cry from the younger.

"Hey!" Jungkook shouts, eyebrows furrowed, "What the hell was that for?"

"You weren't listening!" Jimin crosses his arms over his chest, huffs and pouts.

"You were gushing over this 'cute adorable muffin' boy for ages. You can't blame me for not wanting to listen. I mean, you haven't even met him yet how do you even know any of that is true?"

"Well, little _Jungkookie~_ "

"Don't call me that," Jungkook sighs, and Jimin scowls, ignoring him.

"If you must know,"

"I don't wanna know," Jungkook sighs, cutting Jimin off. Jimin flares his nostrils in frustration. He smacks his hand down on the desk with a noisy smack which shuts Jungkook up  quickly .

"If you must know," Jimin says, starting again, "I've managed to gather some info on the boy. The kid's  apparently  a little on the bizarre side, so you two should bond quickly-"

Jungkook made a noise that sounded like a protest but Jimin continues talking.

"He likes to dye his hair in weird colours as well! Even died it a red this one time, pretty cool right? He does seem like a handful but from what people have said, he's exactly like a puppy. A small, squishy adorable man-sized puppy." Jimin smiles and laughs  wholeheartedly  when he sees Jungkook's nose wrinkled in disgust. Jungkook starts to pack his stuff away. Jimin stops him with a small tap on his arm.

_Crimson red hair._

"Guk," He starts more seriously, and Jungkook gulps. "When are you coming back to the orphanage?" Jimin frowns, "The children miss you, you know. Isn't it lonely in that small apartment of yours? You know you can still live with them."

"I'll try and visit soon alright?" Jungkook sighs and starts to gather his things from the library desk. "And I'm fine living by myself, it's nice. Not lonely or anything." Jungkook smiles and Jimin raises his eyebrows in suspicion. Jungkook may be lying through his teeth, but Jimin seems to believe it as he finally smiles kindly.

"Alright then, but try and visit as soon as you can. I can't handle those children without your muscles," He jokes. Jimin bumps his arm into Jungkook's side  lightly .

"Yeah yeah, whatever hyung,  just  go and prepare to woo your cute transfer student." Jungkook flashes a small smile and bumps Jimin back. He plugs his headphones and waves to Jimin, beginning his treck home.  

  **-**

Jungkook gets home later than expected, the sun already setting behind the trees.

The temperature is cooler than earlier, and Jungkook can't wait to get to his apartment and sleep. He's one of those that he lucky enough to be living somewhere so close to his college. He had the orphanage to thank, always supporting him even though he had earnt enough money to survive. He had taken up countless small jobs which gave him enough to live on for a while. He had also been given some money  anonymously  from someone when he was younger. Everything was even sorted and put into a saving's account. He  really  had more than enough to survive. He had been grateful to whoever the person was. He was curious, of course, but he had other things to focus on.

He has done well for himself considering the fact he has no parents. He didn't even have any relatives left to take care of him when he was younger. The orphanage was the last option. He doesn't like to talk about family much, it  just  leaves him feeling drained and empty. Almost frustrated, like he happened to become abandoned as a baby for a reason but he didn't quite know. He knows it's stupid to think of something like that, to think he's special, but he can't stop the feeling. He's not even disheartened at the fact he never had any family. In fact, he was happy. He wouldn't have met Jimin otherwise. Jimin had become a  brotherly  figure for him ever since he was young. They had a strong bond. They knew they would protect each other and care for each other. They had no one else to turn to anyway. They loved each other. They could  really  pass as brothers with how close they are.

After walking up the tiring five flights of stairs, he unlocks his door and steps inside. His apartment isn't the biggest, he is only a college student after all, but it's enough for him. The paint on the walls peeled off here and there, but there was nothing a poster or a frame couldn't solve. He kicks off his shoes and shrugs his bag off. He stretches out on the sofa, snuggling into the soft throw that Jimin had got for him on his fifteenth birthday. It was three years old, yes, but it was still pretty fluffy and soft. Feigning sleep, he rubs his eyes and yawns. He kept shaking awake every time he feels himself slipping under into dreamland.

Jungkook hates the deafening silence, so he puts the TV on to make it seem less lonely. The dim light of the lamp comforts him as his eyes close once more.

He falls asleep in seconds.

 


	2. two

 

chapter two. 

 

_[you are my only sun, one and only in the world, I bloomed for you, but I'm still getting thirsty. It's too late, too late, I can't lie without you. Though my branch runs dry, I reach for you with all my strength - run]_

**_-_ **

 

Jungkook's looking for something, chasing a dream that seems to be missing.

It's something important that will make his heart whole. It's a creeping sense of someone he can't quite grasp, always on the tip of his tongue. To miss someone he had never met before was complete lunacy. And yet, something about the red-haired man drew Jungkook to him, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. Jungkook has never been one to believe in fate or anything like that. That was until the dreams became more frequent, and he falls deeper for someone that his mind made up. It's cruel. But he can't help the fact that he gets this feeling that the man in his dreams is somewhere out there. That they have met before somewhere else. Jungkook's going crazy, he's sure of it. Every time he tries to remember, it hurts. But he thinks that not knowing whatever he thinks is missing would hurt more.

It starts in his apartment. He drops a glass frame and cries. The frame isn't empty, but his heart is. He feels empty. How can he feel empty when being empty means you are nothing, there is nothing. So why is the stupid emotion so fucking heavy? A tear falls. Then another, and another. Tears glisten like little diamonds at the corner of his eyes, making thin tracks down his face. The frame holds a picture of him and Jimin from when they were younger. He holds it with shaky fingers, focusing on the picture through blurred eyes. He sets it down gently, scared it would break even more.

As he was picking a piece of the shattered glass up, it nips him, right in the centre of his middle finger. He holds it and stares at the ruby blood oozing from the small prick. He watches as it trickles down his finger and lands on the floor with a small drip. It's only when he feels his finger starting to sting he goes to wrap it up in some tissue, trying to stop the flow of blood. He's not quite sure why he's crying. It's a frame, a cheap, ancient frame that he bought ages ago. It has no significance, no personal importance. Jungkook runs his hands through his hair frustratedly. His hair is most likely ruffled and dishevelled, but he doesn't care at this point.

He breathes in, and out. Repeats it. He's used to this, feeling like he's missing something.  

_Missing, missing, missing._

His heart aches. Everything aches. He wants it all to stop.

_He doesn't want to dream anymore._

**-**

 

Jungkook slumps on the floor of the dance room, panting hard.

He loves Wednesday afternoons. It's the only time he gets to practice his dancing with Jimin and his friend, Hoseok with a room all to themselves. He loves it because when he dances, he forgets. He's in his own world when he dances. He thinks only of beats and for a moment, his heart is full of emotion and there are no corrupt thoughts to sneak up on him. He dances and for a moment he's stress-free.

He gratefully accepts the cold bottle of water from Hoseok hands him with a small smile. Jungkook presses it to his forehead and sighs in relief. He pulls his body into a sitting position with some difficulty. His hands struggle to unscrew the cap on the lid of the bottle. When he notices this, he sighs as he thinks his stamina has completely run out. He closes his eyes defeatedly and thinks he should go back to the gym. When he finally manages to open the blasted bottle, he chugs half of it down in one big gulp. Hoseok eyes him cautiously.

"Guk-ah, maybe you should take it easy... especially for the next couple of weeks, you look like you're about to pass out," Hoseok informs.

Jungkook scrambles up then, neglecting the way the room seems to spin around him and his legs wobble. "No way hyung, I'm good."

Hoseok continues to look at him weirdly. It was a look that read, I want to strangle you, but I also want to hug you. The latter wouldn't happen anyway, he hates hugs. Unless It's Taehyung. He only excepts hugs from him.

_Wait, what?_

Jungkook freezes. His blood goes cold. Where did that name come through? Who was Taehyung? All these questions bombarded Jungkook. He ignores Hoseok's worried expression and walks over to his bag. Shoving his towel and water bottle into it, zipping it up and slinging it over his shoulder with a grunt. He isn't going to admit it out loud, but he _does_ feel faint. But all he can think about is Taehyung. The name repeats on and on in his head like a freakish mantra. It stirs so many feelings that Jungkook can't decipher what's what. He's heard the name before, somewhere. The feeling the returns. The one where an answer is on the tip of his tongue but he _can't remember._ It frustrates him so, _so much._

It's when he sees a mob of red hair rush past the practice room door he stops breathing. For a split second, he sees a flashing image of himself chasing someone, a boy. They were both laughing. He shakes his head, but the vision stays so clear that he takes off towards the figure. Without a second thought, his feet run on their own accord. He's running, staggering slightly as he drops his bad with a booming bang on the floor. It echoes in the room, catching the attention of Jimin and Hoseok. Jungkook rounds the corner, almost slipping over, ignoring the shouts from Jimin and Hoseok behind him.

He's rushing down the college corridors, following the brief glimpses of red he sees turn around the corners. He remembers red. Red hair, red blood, red anger. He follows and follows, breathing sounding badly laboured in his own ears. All he hears is the sound of his feet slapping against the laminate flooring. The figure in front stops abruptly. Jungkook reels to a stop too, bracing himself with a raised arm, just in case he fell over. The blood thunders in his ears. He bends his knees, resting his hands on his thighs. He shakes his head to try and get rid of the dizziness. He pants, and everything's too still in the moment. The hooded figure turns, but not enough that Jungkook could see its face. it looks suspicious, its movements slow and languid. Jungkook can tell by the rapid fall and rise of its chest that it's out of breath too.

As he steps forward, so does the figure. The flaming red of its hair looks a dull mahogany in the lack of light. Jungkook realises he's run pretty far from the dance room, ending up in a corridor full of lockers, the entrance to the college staring him right in the face. The figure was trying to escape. Jungkook wouldn't let that happen. The weird sense of deja vu sticks and he has a harder time shaking it away. Another flashing image appears a stronger one this time. Jungkook can see the golden roofs of buildings, taste the salty air, feel the rough stone of the sun-bleached buildings, watch his feet roam over the intricate tile floors of a what seems to be a village. He can feel energy rush through his veins as the sea breeze blows black strands of hair into his eyes. He gets that same euphoric feeling thrumming in his chest when he spots a boy in blue standing on top of one of the rocks, crouched down. The boy turns to look at Jungkook. His face is blocked by a black screen like it had been scribbled over with a felt tip pen. Static blasts in Jungkook's ears. He's back in the college corridor. The figure looks hesitant. Like it was deciding whether it should turn and run towards Jungkook or out of the doors. Jungkook drops to his knees, hands covering his ears as the static becomes deafening. It hurts. 

The person runs without looking back. 

Jungkook slumps down on the floor. He finds it difficult to breathe. His ears ring and his eyes are glossy, sweat lining his forehead. He rubs the nape of his neck and hurries to stand when he hears footsteps slap on the flooring behind him. He sees Hoseok ambling towards him, eyes wide and brows furrowed.

"Jungkook! What the fuck man, why did you take off like that?" He shouts voice strained.

Jungkook stays quiet. He was sure he saw someone. He was positive. God, was he really going insane?

"Guk?" Hoseok waved a hand in his face. With pursed lips and panic clawing at his chest, Jungkook shrugs. 

"I thought...I thought I saw someone. Sorry, hyung." 

Hoseok hyung - bless him - has always been a good Hyung to Jungkook. And an even better dance mentor. Jungkook's lucky to have such good people looking out for him. 

Hoseok sighs and rests a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright. Just... go home, okay? Get some rest. And don't scare us like that again." 

 

**-**

**_November 1866_ **

 

At last, around midnight, his lips finally took shape. 

His eyes were painted feline, big, brown doe eyes staring right at him, half piqued, half determined. _Yes,_ Taehyung thinks. _They are just right. They suited him perfectly._  Rising up to his full, elegant brows, inches from being covered by his syrup coloured hair. His eyebrows a little furrowed because he always spends his time looking up at the world, confused and intrigued by the littlest of things. An explorer at heart. Always stirring up trouble. Sounds about right. 

It was a little difficult to work without him directly in front of him, he could never concentrate when he was present. But, he has spent plenty of time with him. Enough time to know the way his nose is more prominent than his other features, beautiful and long. His lips are usually pulled into a pout, bottom lip more noticeable than the top but nonetheless attractive. Taehyung has tried countless times to draw his bright smile that makes his heart flutter, but he could never successfully capture something so...innocent. So he paints a smile, not as bright and lively as him, but close enough. 

Since he arrived in Seoul, no, since they first met, he's always kept him at a distance. It wasn't easy, god, none if it was easy. But it was to save him. Taehyung hates the way the past repeats itself. He has to leave soon- where - he doesn't quite know, but he needs to leave. Being hear him, it wasn't safe, for both of them. Every day he approaches him, and every day it gets harder than the one before. It's always been difficult to stay away. That's why he was leaving. Wherever he ended up, it would be easier than being here. He hovered his finger over the canvas and outlines the sharp corners of his eyes. They always glistened, he makes sure to leave it detailed. The only way to take him with him was to take the countless pieces of paper, stacking up slowly. A piece of Jungkook he will always take with him. Sometimes the memories get too much. He prefers to get lost in a sketch. It reminds him of a more simpler era where they weren't running away from time itself. 

He straightens himself in his wooden chair suddenly. He can feel his presence, shoulders tensing as a familiar scent drifts past him, the brush of warm air on the back of his neck. _He always manages to smell like the sweetest flowers_ Taehyung thinks sadly. His close proximity always gave him the most peculiar sensation, almost like holding his hand above a candle flame, alive and  _warm. Always so warm._ He could tell even without turning around; Jungkook was there. He could not escape him. His eyes fell to outside the window, overlooking the gazebo where they had met in the dazzling morning sun a few days ago. Then to the water fountain where he had turned up unexpectedly again, a bunch of red Chrysanthemums gathered in his hands. The mere sight made Taehyung want to cry. He had laughed bitterly. Jungkook happened to be a florist in this life. And it suited him perfectly, always handling things with the utmost care. If he remembers, Chrysanthemums represent optimism, long life and joy. Red Chrysanthemums mean love. Jungkook held only red. Taehyung cursed at the sky for playing such a cruel joke on him. 

Jungkook still thought the pull towards Taehyung was innocent, that their frequent rendezvous in the gardens were nothing more than... happy coincidences. _So naive._ Taehyung would never tell him otherwise, this secret was his own to bear. He stands and turns, and there he finds him in all his glory. His frame is swallowed in a black cloak, obviously three sizes too big for him. Hair ruffled and messy, just as Taehyung likes it. Natural. He finds he has to hold his paintbrush tighter to stop himself from pulling the boy into his arms, hugging him strongly. The look on his face was the same as the one he'd sketch so many times. There was the fire, rising in his cheeks. Was he embarrassed? Angry? He longed to know, but could not allow himself to ask. He wouldn't make the same mistakes. Yet, he was already failing. They had already talked, and laughed, and played. There was nothing more waiting for him than his lover's dead body. 

"What are you doing here?" He could hear the snarl in his tone, the hostility and regrets the sharpness instantly knowing Jungkook would never understand. He wishes he doesn't have to play this part, he's so tired of all this running back and forth. The chasing and being chased. 

"I-I couldn't sleep," He stammers out taking a hesitant step forward, twiddling his thumbs together, biting down on his bottom lip. Taehyung averts his attention from his kissable lips to his eyes instead. He's learnt the art of self-control, but that doesn't mean he's quite mastered it yet. "I saw the light on in your room and I...I came up here." He stops talking and swallows hard. Eyebrows knotted together, thinking hard. "Maybe I should leave-" 

Taehyung tugs on his sleeve. He knows he shouldn't, he really does, but can't he just have a little bit more time? A little bit of happiness before he leaves again?

Jungkook smiles shyly then, eyes twinkling in satisfaction. Taehyung's heart races and he feels like a teenager again. These sweet moments, he shan't bathe in them any more than he thinks necessary, but he allows himself to have a few minutes. Just a few, right? Temptation has always been hard to resist when he's faced with a baby-faced Jungkook. He was too soft for his own good. 

"I saw your stuff outside, are you"-he paused, exhaling a shaky breath-"are you leaving?" 

"I was going to tell you-" He broke off, he would make no excuses this time. He shouldn't lie anymore. This was over before it even started. He had no intention to let him know his plans. Telling him would only make things worse. Now, he had let things go too far, hoping this time would be different. Jungkook drew nearer, coming round to study the canvas. He lets out a soft gasp. 

"You were drawing me?" His shocked tone reminded Taehyung of the gap in their understanding. Even after all the time they'd spent together over the weeks, Jungkook had not yet come to glimpse the truth that lay behind their simple attraction. Had not yet come to remember anything. This was good- or at least, it was for the better. Taehyung can't help but be a little disheartened. Why must only he remember all their wonderful memories? Why must Jungkook not be allowed to have any? It was unfair. He had been struggling to pull away from him these past days. The effort always took so much out of him. When he was alone, always, he had to give in to his pent-up desire to draw him. The sketchbook he carries around is always filled with him. Of his neck, arched and tempting, his marbled collarbones, on display waiting to be marked. It reminds him of the times where their pinkies brush and thumbs tap in rhythm. Walking in the cold, all curled up and smelling of hot chocolate. Holding in sobs of happiness or pain, reassuring and comforting. Pinned to the mattress, sweaty and desperate. _I'm here, I'm here, I'm here._

Taehyung looks back at the sketch, not ashamed at all at being caught drawing him, but worse. A cold chill spreads through him as he realised that the discovery-the exposure of his feelings- would only destroy him. He should've been more careful. It always started like this. 

"Sleeping with someone near or next to you," Taehyung murmured, back still facing him. Then, he added sorrowfully, "It helps you sleep. Stops those nightmares,"

"How did you know? That's why I could never-" 

"I know," He says, turning to face him. The astonishment in his voice did not surprise him, yet he could not explain to her how he knew, or tell him how many times he had to wrap him up in his arms like a small child huddled in the unrelenting rain. How he had held him until he fell asleep, working on the strands of his hair, humming a random tune softly. He felt his touch as if it was burning through his shirt. His hand laid gently on his shoulder, just touching the skin of his nape causing him to gasp. They had not yet touched in this life, and the first contact always left him breathless, begging for more. 

"Tell me," he whispers, "Are you leaving tomorrow?" 

"Yes." 

"Take me with you." He blurted out. Taehyung presses his lips together tightly. Right on cue, he watches as he sucks in his breath, wishing to take back her appeal. He could see the turmoil of emotions settle in the endless galaxy of his eyes. He would fell rash, then confounded, then ashamed by his own sudden forwardness. He always did this, and too many times before, Taehyung would make the mistake of comforting him. 

"No," He whispers, shaking his head. He has to leave, he has to separate them both if they wanted a chance to do the one thing they could never do. _Live._ "I will leave tomorrow, and you will accept it and forget me." 

"Accept it? I can't. I-I _love-_ "

" _Don't._ " He pleads.

"I do. I have to say it. I love you, I'm sure of it, and if you leave I'll-" 

"I'll save your life." He spoke slowly, trying to reach a part of him that might remember. "You can be happy." Were all the memories there at all? Buried deeply somewhere? "Some things are more important than love. You won't understand, just trust me, please." 

Your _life is in danger. Please, let me save you._

Jungkook's eyes drill into him. He stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest, puffing out his chest. This was his fault too- he always brought out his contemptuous side when he spoke down to him. 

"You mean to say there are more important things than this?" He challenged removing the thick black cloak, slowly, seductively, revealing he was wearing nothing more than shorts. Taehyung's heart picks up, watching him with hooded eyes, letting out a small gasp. Jungkook takes his hands, drawing them to his heart. Taehyung envies how Jungkook doesn't know what was to come. Taehyung wishes he was stronger, wishes he was able to stop him. But if he didn't stop him, he would never learn, and the past would only repeat itself, condemning them to torture again and again. A demon of temptation - and he was the one getting tempted.

The familiar warmth of his skin under his hands made him tilt his head back and moan. He was trying to ignore how close his bare chest was to him, how the sweetest of scents enveloped him and made him drunk. Only he had this effect on him. He was trying to focus on something else than the feel of his lips on his neck, how bitter he felt that all of this was soon to end. But his fingers traced his so lightly. He could feel his heart racing through the milky-white skin on his chest. He was right, there was nothing more important than this. There never was. He was about to give in and take him in his arms when he caught the look in his eyes. As if he's seen a ghost. 

Jungkook was the one to pull away with trembling fingers, A hand to his forehead. "I'm having the oddest sensation," He whispered, 

_It was already too late._

His eyes narrowed into the shape he's drawn so many times before. He came back to him, hands on his chest, his lips parted expectantly. "I must be mad- I swear I've been here before. _We've_ been here before..."

Taehyung looked up, shivering violently. He could feel the dark descending, coming to take his lover away from him. He took one last chance to hold him, kiss him passionately, hold him as tightly as he had yearned for weeks.

And as soon as Jungkook's lips melted into his, both of them were powerless. The vanilla taste of his mouth made Taehyung dizzy. The closer he pressed against him, the more his stomach churned with the thrill and agony of it all. His tongue traced his, and the fire between them burned brighter, hotter, more strongly with every new touch, every new exploration. Yet none of it was new. 

The room shook. The temperature rises. Taehyung still holds on desperately. 

Jungkook notices nothing, is aware of nothing, understands nothing beside their heated kiss, the swirl of passion and lust between their tongues, the curl and the fire in their stomachs. Taehyung alone knew what was going to happen, what dark companions were prepared to fall on their reunion. Even though he couldn't stop it yet again, he knew. 

Taehyung breaks from the heated kiss as soon as he hears Jungkook whimper. He lets go of him reluctantly, watching as the flame starts small, the smoke advancing upwards, forming a band that starts to wrap around Jungkook. For a moment, he saw a spark of recognition growing in his eyes, the flicker of a lightbulb of emotions turning on. 

_Dont let go,_

It's a silent whisper, a silent plea from Jungkook's soul. Taehyung ignores it as a tear slips down his cheek.

 

He sees roaring, violent, angry flames, then nothing.

Nothing at all. 

**-**

Jungkook wakes with wet cheeks and eyes that sting. His throat is raw, and he coughs violently, feeling as if he was choking. 

He's never woken up crying before. There's an ache in his heart, strong. It stirs something melancholy. He wipes the tears away and sniffles, sitting up and staring blankly at the white wall in front of him. The only thing he thinks of is that name; _Taehyung._ Over and over again, it repeats on and on. He says it slowly, then quickly, as if that was supposed to open up a bank of information in the back of his mind. As if it would trigger something and he would finally find out where on earth he has heard that name from before. It's familiar, in a sense he knows it belongs on his tongue, traced around his lips. The name sparks something but he is only to assume. His lips tingle. They're plump and swollen. He must have bitten them during his sleep. 

He stares at his palms absentmindedly. His fingers trace over non-existent words on his right palm. It's something he hasn't thought about in years. He has a feeling; something deep and nostalgic bubbling inside him. It stirs within him as his fingers trace the lines on his palm. He's feeling...sad. 

Jungkook focuses on getting ready to head out. He has morning classes to attend and Jimin asked him to help with showing around the transfer student.

He had to keep moving.

**-**

When he finds Jimin, he's practically gleaming. His laughter is merry, chatting away to what seems to be the transfer student. From this angle, all he can see is a mop of bleached blond hair, natural brown coming in just slightly at the roots. In the sunlight, it looks indescribably soft. He fights the urge to run his hands through it. He doesn't know where the thought even comes from. Jimin spots him and waves him over with the enthusiasm of a young child showing off their favourite toy at a dinner party. Jimin, compared to the bleached blond, is...casual. Hoodie and jeans, his go-to look. Jimin's lucky he even woke up in time, let alone styled his hair and actually made an effort. But then again, It's  _college,_  they're all tired and hungry. No one can be blamed for a lack of motivation. 

Jungkook walks towards them with sluggish steps, taking his time. He almost laughs when he first realises the height distance between the two males he's heading towards. Jimin gives him a pointed look as if he was saying; ' _dont you dare say anything,'_  so Jungkook keeps his thoughts to himself, lips wobbling at the ends, trying not to turn up at the edges into a smirk. 

"And here he is," Jimin announces, and he smiles sheepishly, only now feeling a little out of his depth. He's not terrible when it comes to socialising, only slightly uncomfortable. He feels a little more unnerved when he finds that the transfer student was wearing sunglasses, almost like he was wearing a barrier, shielding himself from everyone. As first impressions go, Jungkook isn't feeling that great about it. He tilts his head a little to examine more but smiles nonetheless. He can only afford to be friendly, he doesn't want to get off on the wrong foot.

He glances again at the new student. He takes off his glasses and slides them into his jacket pocket, turning to look at him. Taehyung's gaze catches his, and Jungkook watches as his eyes widen and then quickly narrow in what looks like surprise. But it had to be more than that. When Taehyung's eyes held his, his breath catches in his throat and something clicks. A flicker, of something he can't make out. He blinks, and the blurred roll of memories stop. Jimin's looking at him strangely, but it's a look he's familiar with, so he just brushes it off.

Jungkook  _knows_ he recognises him from somewhere. but he doesn't know where. He would have easily remembered meeting someone like him. He would have remembered feeling as absolutely shaken up as he does right now. Once realising they were still locking eyes, Jungkook averts his gaze, but not before he's being flashed a tight-lipped smile. A jet of warmth shoots through him, feeling his lips pull up into a smile back at him.

"Jungkook, meet Kim Taehyung. Taehyung, meet Jeon Jungkook."

Jungkook's head reels. 

_Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung._

"Nice to meet you, Jungkook."

 

_what?_


	3. three

**I find my place in between your arms, in between your tender kisses and soft whispers of 'it will be alright', in between the warmth of your embrace, and the scent of your neck, and the fierceness of your touch. I find my place lost inside your soul.**

**-cynthia go // Home.**

**-**

chapter three. 

 

_[kiss me. I don't care if it hurts. Hurry and choke me so I can't hurt anymore - blood sweat and tears]_

**-**

Exhaustion seeps deep into Jungkook's bones, making them feel like gloopy honey. Something's weighing him down and all he's done is...sit. Sit and wait for something that won't show. All he wants to do is lie back down, sleep until something makes sense. But he doesn't want himself to mope around, dissecting and analysis his thoughts and feelings. _Kim Taehyung._ The name triggers a vague sensation. The feeling of nostalgia he gets from it is a faded version of what it used to be, like an echo of someone calling his name that seems to disappear almost as quickly as it came. His hand aches and burns with the fiery desire for someone to hold it. No matter how many times he repeats the name, the feeling fades faster, until it is almost nothing. Sometimes he gets urges to contact Taehyung. It feels like pure desperation like his skin is crawling and his eyes are burning and he wants the elder nestles up beside him. He just wants him next to him, at least. 

And he still doesn't know why. It's like he's trying to wriggle himself in the deepest corners of his mind to find anything and when he finally gets to the back, there are padlocks upon padlocks and he doesn't have the key. Guesses he never will have it. It's borderline infuriating, so much it's all he can concentrate fully on. Where do all of these thoughts come from? Maybe he needs more sleep. He would only be lying if he wasn't spooked by the whole ordeal. The name that is _so_ familiar making him feel the emotions he's been desperately chasing. It makes him wonder. Is Taehyung the answer to his problems? He's...friendly, inviting. He's awoken something in Jungkook that he never knew was there. Something faint, ever so faint, but there. That's all Jungkook can say so far. He's also mysterious, he can justify that too. Jungkook wants to take thing slow, which is humorous to him because Jungkook has never, in his entire life, taken anything slow. He's rash and well, not assertive. His mind is full of Taehyung, and it makes him feel unsettled. He’s known the boy for less than a few days, and they hadn’t exactly talked for long, so Jungkook doesn’t know why the boy had such an effect on him. But he does. It's all Jungkook can think about.

_Here he goes again._

**-**

Even when they were apart, Taehyung carried Jungkook with him wherever he went.

He was in the smile Taehyung couldn't contain and the laughter he could not control. He was the thought that popped into his head when he was thinking of nothing at all and the person he always imagined whenever he listened to song lyrics. He was the sunshine that made his good days better and his bad days hardly even matter. He misses him whenever they're separated. It was pretty hard not to. His hand shook with the cravings to hold onto him, any physical form of him that never came when he needed it the most. There was nothing on earth that compared to the feeling of meeting him again. There was the onslaught of so many different emotions. Like a wave of happiness washing over him, like he could finally breathe again knowing that he was alive. Like his whole world had been standing still until he was with him once more.

The times his absence hurts the most is when he wakes up knowing he dreamed of Jungkook, but he cannot remember the dream. Like a person fumbling in the dark for a light switch, he tries frantically to reach for some recollection to bring the memory back. He tries to recall every intricate detail, where they were, what happened between them - every single word they spoke to one another; anything to pull the recollection of him back before it fades away completely. He's left in vain, never able to grasp the fragments before they fall away slowly becoming out of his reach forever. He often wonders if Jungkook dreams of him too. Feels this way too. Remembers anything. But he's never had to worry, he's always remembered, always. 

To him, it feels like Jungkook has been robbed of everything. As if they had only been in a room mere minutes ago and the memory was stolen from him. Perhaps Jungkook had these thoughts too. Perhaps they are together in their dreams and the moment he wakes is the moment he leaves. And, as always, when he leaves, he takes Jungkook's dreams with him. Perhaps. _Perhaps._

_He swallows down the pain, lets it corrode him from the inside out. He's never known any other place to put it. He was never taught any other way to deal with it. He waits. And waits. Time will never run out for them, at least, that's what he hopes. A lifetime and a million more will never be enough for him._

_Never._

**-**

When his head begins to spin, Jungkook knows he's drunk a little more than he should've. He rubs his eyes and backs into the corner of the bustling room catching his breath. Bodies pack together in a tight space, music blasting right into his ears. He feels a little out of depth here, but something tells him he should stay. He's in someone's dorm, one of the biggest here, he knows that much. He also knows Jimin dragged his ass all the way to the other side of campus only to ditch him for some 'hot piece of ass.' At this point, Jungkook's not even surprised. He's angry at Jimin, but only a little. He knows how much Jungkook sucks at coping in social situations, he can hardly fend for himself when he was with someone, let alone being left by himself. He knows he needs to get a move on, grow up a little, but it's hard for him. He's awkward, clumsy. Why he even agreed to go to a stupid college party with Jimin in the first place is something he won't understand. He needs to learn to say no also. But something tells him even if he was to say no, Jimin would have eventually persuaded him anyway. He will never win, not with Park Jimin.

But parties aren't - and will never be - his idea of fun. He's sure, maybe, at some point in his life (preferably when he was five) he had enjoyed parties. But only for the fact he knows there would have been cake and sweets at the end of it. College parties, however, add to his list of things that disappoint him. There's the pungent smell of alcohol and cigarettes that stick to him, making his head spin and he has to suppress the urge to gag. The number of bodies makes the room humid and stuffy, his thin cotton shirt sticking uncomfortably to his back. It's not pleasant in the slightest. There's the mass of bodies grinding against each other that makes him turn away instantly, the tips of his ears turning red. He really doesn't like this. He grabs another concoction of... _whatever_ from the table closest to him chugs it down. Seeing as he's sure he isn't getting out of this alive, (or sober for that matter,) he just drinks without care. He doesn't know where he'll end up, but that makes it that little bit more exciting to him.

Sipping the weird concoction from his cup, he scans through the sea of bodies around him. He doesn't quite know what, or who he's looking for exactly, but he can feel something. It's strange, foreign. His chest thrums with warmth, yet he doesn't know if it's from the alcohol or something else. He scans and scans till his eyes land upon someone - Taehyung. _'Out of all the places!'_ he thinks,  ' _I_ _t has to be here, with me basically drunk'._ Honestly, he doesn't really mind, no, in fact, he's sort of...glad. He's managed to find someone he knows in amongst all the strangers. He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. His heart leaps when he looks up from his drink to see Taehyung's eyes directly on him. They stare at each other from across the room. Jungkook's heart leaps in his chest.

This infatuation he has with the older is real. He can't keep his eyes off of him. He's beautiful, practically glowing. Even with the small amount of time Jungkook had gotten to know the elder, he had been instantly interested. It's like he's being pulled in by something that is too strong to resist. He can still feel Taehyung's eyes on him when he looks down, suddenly finding interest in his shoes. It's not like he didn't want to look, he does want to, it's just he feels...weird. Giddy almost, like he's proud to have received something as simple as a glance in his direction. It makes him feel special, appreciated. A small smile plays on his lips. He grabs another plastic cup from the table closest to him swiftly, chugging it down without a second thought. He winces at the bitter aftertaste, but he feels a little better. He grabs _another_ and raises the cup to his lips slowly, sipping cautiously this time. He glances up to find Taehyung still watching him eagerly, eyebrows raised ever so slightly and - was he _smirking?_ It almost feels like he's the prey and Taehyung is the hungry predator, eyeing his food, waiting for a chance to pounce and capture him. Jungkook doesn't miss the way Taehyung follows his actions, sipping on his drink, eyes squinting just a fraction. He feels somewhat exposed, vulnerable in the fixed look. Jungkook notices someone standing next to Taehyung, trying to initiate a conversation, and Jungkook feels sorry for the guy because he can tell Taehyung isn't really listening, just nodding his head every few seconds, smiling slightly. His eyes never waver from his, not even for a moment. Jungkook's being captured by enrapturing eyes, and he _likes it._

Jungkook's heart leaps out of his chest when he sees Taehyung turning his head to say goodbye to the stranger next to him, starting to stroll casually over to him clearly smirking. Jungkook doesn't quite know where he was supposed to look, or why he was suddenly so nervous. He can only hope the alcohol is enough to make him feel more confident and calm. He hasn't known Taehyung for long, but what he does know, is that he's trouble. Something stirs in his belly, and he can't quite tell if he likes the feeling or not. At least, in the brighter light, Jungkook has a chance to study the older up close.

His dirty blonde hair is ruffled and messy, evidence of fingers running through it. His jawline is sharp, at an angle that shows off his beautifully tanned neck, elegant and on full display. His collarbones meekly peek out just above his marron collared shirt, a few buttons already undone. Judging by this, Jungkook knows Taehyung likes to show off his strikingly handsome looks. A necklace hangs loosely from his neck, carrying two silver rings on it and Jungkook has to grip the table behind him harder to stop himself from reaching out and fingering the pieces of jewellery. He swears he sees his initials but when he blinks, there is no necklace in sight. He darts his eyes up to Taehyung's and sees the same expression as before - amusement. Shaking his head, Jungkook loses himself in the older's brown eyes. But 'brown' just doesn't cut it for Jungkook. It's too basic for someone like Taehyung. They melt into golden rays, circling an eclipse. It reminds him of sunsets and lazy smiles. They're copper against honey, amber and onyx. His eyes are the gold people desperately try to pull from the ground. Unnatainable. Untouchable. _All his._

He brushes away the thoughts in his mind but he can't make himself look away. His eyes are beckoning him in. Jungkook blinks slowly and the brown is replaced by a rose pink. He gasps and it's at this point he becomes terribly confused and...shocked? He can't quite believe it. He also thinks that he's had way too much to drink. He just had to be imagining things. First the necklace now unnatural coloured eyes? ' _Come on Jungkook!'_ he tells himself, ' _pull yourself together'._ But the colour stays, and it's so pretty, vibrant and _true._ He sees so many emotions swimming around all at once and his heart leaps.

However, the alcohol thrumming through his veins makes him gain some confidence, his fingertips dancing along Taehyung's cheek and up to his eyes, smoothing out the jewelled skin underneath. Up close, he sees how much effort has gone into his appearance. He's careful not to rub any glitter off that's located around his eyes, but he feels it underneath his skin and blinks up at Taehyung for permission, only to see a foolish smile appear on his face. Jungkook is now only aware of the smudged eyeliner around his eyes, and his skin becomes hot the more he touches Taehyung. He's fascinated and hooked.

Jungkook can't stop thinking about how beautiful Taehyung is, how unique he is and how he's never felt this way for anyone else. He gets another sense of deja vu, stronger and more notable this time, the more his hand goes to explore the elder's body, the more his skin tingles with the contact, the more he wants more, the more his vision spins. The more his heart yearns for him. He doesn't know how he feels so familiar to him, or why it feels less like he's getting to know him and more as though he's remembering who he is. How his smiles and eyes bring him closer to the impossible conclusion that he's known him before. Maybe he's loved- no. He's drunk and lonely. That's it. There's simply nothing more to it. He's gone crazy. 

Taehyung delicately grabs his wrist and holds it in the air, a gentle way of saying, 'that's enough now,' like how a cat would pat away his owner's hand when it's been groomed enough for its liking. Taehyung didn't really want him to stop, but he knew where it would have headed, knew how heated things would've become. He can tell by the way Jungkook stares deep into his eyes, they have already changed colour. He couldn't control it for long, and he knows they need to stop before something bad happens. He's already gone too far. He closes his eyes when unbidden images come to him: Jungkook trying not to laugh on a train, Jungkook startled appreciation at being given the flowers he adores, Jungkook sitting on the concrete floor, rain dripping off of him as he tries desperately to save a wingless bird. 

Taehyung can't, and will never, let Jungkook go. He knew, right from the start in the late 1600s, Jungkook was meant to be his. It's a shame things have to end so...brutally, but he can't stop himself from coming back. Fate works in mysterious ways, always pulling them back together. He rakes in the younger in front of him. Large, soft auburn eyes that were far too easy to lose oneself in. His dark brown hair parted to one side, exposing his forehead slightly while falling into his face to cover his left eyebrow. Taehyung thinks he looks older, more mature when he had his hair in that particular style. It always excited him. His ears were pierced, two rings hanging out of the cartilage of his right ear while his lobes were slightly stretched. His face looked so peaceful, despite the inner turmoil Taehyung knows he's going through. He can see the confusion swirl round and round behind his eyes, can see how scared, but relieved he is. Taehyung smiles sadly. He could only feel guilt at how he had to drag Jungkook through this over and over again. 

But Taehyung feels something different between them this time. Something new. It scares him to his inner core, shakes him up and leaves him vulnerable, but he's found Jungkook. They've found each other and he just wants to put an end to all of this, let Jungkook live in peace. He thinks he can do that, thinks he can put aside his personal feelings to let Jungkook live in happiness. But then again, he's so terribly selfish. He has been since the start. A demon and a human? He was always so selfish. The word repeats in his head, but he swallows it down with the alcohol he takes from Jungkook's cup. He wants to be selfish, for just one more night. Granted, he's had a thousand before, but truly, he will never have enough. He knows it, hell, even the whole world seems to know it. 

"Your eyes- they-" 

"I know." Came Taehyung's simple reply. Jungkook was at a lost for words. 

"Do you have contacts or something that change colour? Because if you do then you need to tell me where to get them from because man, I'd-" Jungkook gets cut off my Taehyung's laugh. He wants to be angry, because, was he making fun of his nervous rambling or something? But the small breathy sounds are enough to have Jungkook melt because, despite Taehyung's outside appearance, he's adorable. The way he looks at Jungkook after, with nothing would adoration in his eyes makes him choke up a little. 

"Yes," He lies, "They're _special_ contacts." He hates lying, especially to Jungkook, but he has no choice. Jungkook is always so clueless, young, innocent. Always

"Really?" Taehyung doesn't miss the way the younger's eyes sparkle with excitement, more memories resurfacing. It makes him feel sick. "Where do you get them from?" 

Taehyung plays off the question with a shrug, pointing to one of the speakers, indicating he couldn't hear the younger well over the music. He then gestures to the door, and Jungkook seems to understand has his mouth forms an 'o' shape. In truth, Taehyung could hear perfectly fine, but he really wanted to talk to the younger alone, outside where no one could bother them. 

Taehyung drags Jungkook outside without a second thought, his hand fitting perfectly in his hand. He doesn't get why, after all this time, he's still surprised. He's held the same hand a million times over, but every single time feels like the first. His hand becomes clammy, and he hopes Jungkook doesn't notice. They stand, side by side outside, and Jungkook's thoughts all seem to fly out of the window. He listens to the sound of their breathing, the owls that hoot in the distance, their hands that are still intertwined. He doesn't want to think, not really because it hurts. But his heart doesn't ache and he feels like he can breathe for the first time in weeks. It's weird, how one person has come into his life and he's managed to feel like he's finally at home. But he can't stop the nagging feeling that, even though this, them, is right, something is wrong. His stomach churns with anxiety so he squeezes Taehyung's hand. The elder reciprocates. Taehyung, with one final breath, pushed Jungkook against the brick wall of the college, and kissed him. Taehyung's eyes that had shined with a rose pink were tender suddenly, and darker with passion. Taehyung felt Jungkook's strong lithe body strain against his, felt the gentle hands slide up his back. Jungkook kissed him back with shattering enthusiasm, ignoring the slight burn he feels all over, ignoring the pain increasing in his head. He finally feels alive. They break off, panting in each other's mouths, lips touching slightly, but not moving. 

"What was that for?" Jungkook asked a long time later, eyes shining. 

Jungkook was young, at least here he was. Taehyung had never really been old, had never known how the world reacted to you when you were old. Sure, he's seen it for others, watched people die and be born, but he himself never knew. He supposes he never would know. He had not been allowed to be young for long either. Being immortal meant being apart from such concerns. Taehyung was keenly aware that this was Jungkook's first time dating, doing anything at all. He had been Jungkook's first kiss. 

"Nothing," Taehyung lies, again. But how was he supposed, to tell the truth knowing it was only to end in suffering? He's just so enervated. He wants to live, with Jungkook, safely one more time. _Like before._

"Is it weird I feel like I've known you my whole life?" Jungkook speaks his thoughts out loud, hoping he doesn't sound like a lovestruck teen. 

"That's just the alcohol talking Gukkie." 

_[There it is again, 'Gukkie.']_

Jungkook doesn't reply, and the silence doesn't settle well with him, so he begins to walk to a bench he sees in the distance. There's something that tells him that he doesn't even have to look behind him to tell Taehyung would follow him, and when he hears footsteps slap on the concrete slabs, he's right. He feels a little stupid and humiliated for saying such a thing, but to him, it feels right and he needed to get it out. He's sure he won't remember anything tomorrow morning. Maybe that would be for the best. For now, he rests on the bench and looks up towards the stars shining and shimmering above him. He often wonders what it would be like to join them. 

They sit, and Taehyung is startled by Jungkook suddenly pointing upwards, claiming that he sees the horoscope 'Capricorn.' Taehyung laughs, because it's literally nothing but a ball of stars in the sky. Taehyung knows stars like they were imprinted on the back of his eyelids, always there when he falls asleep because they seem to be the only thing that doesn't leave him.

"Guk, it's not a Capricorn. It's literally just some stars in an interesting pattern, trust me." He giggles silently when he watches Jungkook pout and huff, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"How do you even know! It's not like you study stars or something." 

"Well, when you've been alive for as long as me..." He trails off. He says it in a joking manner, but there is so much truth laced in his voice. 

"Tae, you're literally what, two years older than me did Jimin say? Stop making yourself sound like an old man." 

Taehyung chuckles sadly, because yes, he's a really old man, and so is Jungkook, technically. 

Jungkook thinks he's said something wrong, because when he turns to look at Taehyung his eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and his heart constricts. He watches as Taehyung blinks the tears away, and Jungkook places his cold hand over Taehyung's warm one. He feels heat encompass his hand. He's happy. 

"Can I kiss you?" Taehyung randomly blurts after they lock eyes. He's so blunt. He's always been blunt. 

Jungkook's lips part. "It'd be a shame if you didn't." 

He wastes no time as he rapidly wraps his arms around Jungkook's neck, pulling him closer to him and causing the younger to hold his waist tightly. Taehyung smiles a little into their kiss then playfully bites the younger's lips, successfully emitting a whimper from him. But it seemed to make Jungkook more confident as he suddenly bites down hard on Taehyung's bottom lip, making the elder moan. Jungkook breaks off this time, looking as Taehyung's eyes flutter open, showcasing eyes that were a deep scarlet. Jungkook laughs and stares deeply at them, and it makes Jungkook wonder if they really were contacts or not. He can tell Taehyung notices the shift in the younger's mood, his eyes widen in alarm, swiftly turning around. Jungkook sees his fingers pinch the bridge of his nose. Jungkook asks if he's alright, but the older just waves a hand, a small gesture saying that he needn't worry. Soon enough, he looks back at him and Jungkook sees that his eyes are no longer red, but the familiar golden rays of brown. Jungkook's eyebrows furrow and something stirs in his stomach.

Taehyung looks up, at something, eyebrows knitted together, focused. Jungkook turns to look in the same direction but sees nothing more than the tops of apartment buildings and the night sky around them.

He turns to look back at Taehyung, but the elder had already disappeared. 

**-**

_[Taehyung holds Jungkook tightly in his arms. The light from the moon shines in through the open window, illuminating their faces. Their hands loosely intertwine, breathing in each other's scent. They don't speak for there is no need to. They just bask in the company of each other. Taehyung sees that Jungkook looks pensive so he starts threading his hands through the younger's hair._

_"A penny for your thoughts?" Taehyung whispers. Jungkook sighs and snuggles closer, tracing shapes on Taehyung's bare chest._

_"I just... can you promise me something?" He replies, gaze flickering from Taehyung's to their linked hands._

_"Anything angel."_

_"Can you promise me you won't forget me? You know, when I... when I go... don't forget about me."_

_Taehyung frowns, his expression softly saddens. He scoots even closer to Jungkook, not letting go of his hand. He presses a gentle kiss to his forehead trailing down to his nose, then, lastly, a small peck on his lips. A barely there brush, but it makes Jungkook flustered all the same._

_"Jeon Jungkook. How can you possibly forget about the love of your life?"]_

****

 


	4. four

**Love is just blind, unconditional and ends with beautiful pain.**

**-Rohit Jain.**

 

**_-_ **

chapter four.

 

_[even when i fall and hurt myself, i keep running toward my dream - young forever]_

 

 

 

it's been a week and Jungkook has heard nothing. No sign of Taehyung, no messages, nothing. He just straight up disappeared.

Jungkook would say he's a little more than angry. A little more than annoyed. He doesn't really know how to feel. He's downright upset, because yes, they kissed, and he thought something happened between them. He must've been out of his mind. He's embarrassed, ashamed. He let one night get to him - one night with someone he hardly even knows.

But he still has that feeling, that gut-wrenching, bone-crushing feeling that something _had_ happened between them. There _was_ something there and whatever it was, it made him feel whole. Even if he just didn't know what that feeling was. But most of all, his anger is subdued by sadness. Looking into the eyes of the older, he felt at home. He felt at peace. For once, in the past month, his mind wasn't plagued with foggy dreams and unreliable thoughts. He felt like he could breathe. God, he felt so stupid. He was confused, that's all. He had been given attention by a new, handsome man and he felt special, he got attached and it was taken from him.

Why is it, that things always get taken from him? Why must he always get attached so easily? He blames himself really, he always wears his heart on his sleeves.

Some part of him wants Taehyung back because the emptiness he used to feel has slowly started to return, like a part of him had gone missing again, just after he thought he was beginning to be patched up, the wound had been ripped back open.

He hopes and wishes, that's all he can do.

He needs Taehyung.

_And Taehyung needs him too._

**-**

 

It's dark and cold where Taehyung is.

He’s used to it, however. He has spent many lifetimes taking on many challenges, locked up and hidden in so many places. He's starting to think that there isn't any ground he hasn't yet covered. The memories of certain places, nevertheless, become blurry as time goes by. He drinks his weight in alcohol, but being a demon, he's sustained a high tolerance, and he has no means for getting drunk, not when he has someone he means to protect.

He knows it was risky, highly, at the point Jungkook could've been hurt.

But the impulse to see him outweighed everything else. How his heart was screaming at him to find his only comfort, his only _everything._ He wonders how badly he has fucked up already, skin itching with impatience - just wanting to _know._ Wanting to have _all_ the answers.

Jungkook had been exceptional at the arts of fighting, given the circumstances of the century, but now - it’s all different. This Jungkook is different. He has fallen in love with many versions - all different - but _him._ His mannerisms and personality hardly change. It’s like he’s always chasing a ghost, a shadow of what someone once was - and still is. Just...a slight difference.

It takes a moment for him to open his eyes, and when he does, his heart lurches. He’s here again. By the lake - where it all began. He scoffs and wipes the dried blood off of his bottom lip, accidentally re-opening the wound.

He picks himself up off the prickly floor with weak strength and groans loudly - only to flop back down. Puffs of air leave his mouth and he rolls over, blinking up at the milky clouds that roll on by. Grey is all he sees. His breathing is shallow. With the most amount of strength he can muster, he breathes in deeply and pushes himself up, biting his lip to stop a cry from escaping.

He winces as his vision takes a second to respond to the sudden movement, the world around him nothing more than an unfocused blur spinning round and round.

Sighing tiredly, he rubs his eyes with his hand, picking up his phone from where it had landed - a few feet away from the frosty lake itself. He hadn't brought himself to look at it last night, wondering how many messages the younger had sent. Why he even gave Jungkook his number in the first place was beyond him. He needs to separate himself - not get reeled in like a fish with bait all over again.

Ping after ping - all night long. He thought he’d have to handcuff himself to a trunk in order to stop himself from replying to the messages. He didn’t deserve to talk to Jungkook - not after all that he’s put him through. But yet again, Jungkook always deserved to talk to him, always deserved to go after the happiness he yearns for.

Guilt is such an unbearable feeling, he's better to never venture deep enough to the heart of it. But again, he’s accustomed to it all.

All he feels is regret and shame when he thinks of the night prior, how he just disappeared - not a word of warning. He knows all too well how frustrated and lost Jungkook must be feeling. He knows it all - or likes to think that after so much time spent with the younger he knows.

But he had been found, and not long after that, if he had not acted so quickly, Jungkook would've been found too. Jungkook was at risk and Taehyung would do anything to not let anyone harm him. He's had enough of living his life like this, waiting in fear that the second he reunites with his soulmate, his soul twin, they would be ripped apart from each other like a cherished doll from a child. Quite frankly, he's sick of living his life like this. Cowering alone whenever he gets a swift, fleeting feeling that the curse placed on him was following.

Jungkook would have to wait, would always have to be patient enough to learn and understand. But that is what the younger is not - patient. He’s rash and unpredictable - easy to keep Taehyung on his toes, to keep him guessing. It’s refreshing and somewhat exciting. Something he remembers. It quiets his anxieties -reminds him of home, something to ground him.

But he can’t help but feel, now, he’s slowly becoming tired, and scared of always ending up alone. Scared of never being able to save the one he loves - no matter how hard he tries.  

He wants things simple, the way they used to be. But he owes this to Jungkook. He owes everything to him. For he is the reason why Jungkook is suffering just as much as he is. The young boy doesn't deserve this. He was meant for such amazing things, but fate, his family, everything he has ever come to learn seems to be against him. They were both meant for something much different than this. A simple, collected life somewhere else, somewhere far. Somewhere in the past. They were outdated and foreign to their surroundings.

It’s not like Jungkook remembers that. Soon, it would come upon him, an unwanted downpour of memories Taehyung isn't even sure Jungkook wants anymore. But their love, damned and eternal as it is, keeps him strong and afloat.

And regrettably, Taehyung has no choice but to return to Jungkook for he can’t keep away for too long, and now, as he had already exposed himself to him and that’s all Jungkook is sure to think about. _Him._ Kim _fucking_ Taehyung. His forgotten lover. Banished to the dark corners of his mind, locked away. Taehyung knows how it goes. All Jungkook will plague himself with his thoughts he cannot decipher and feelings he just won't understand. Taehyung thinks it's like smelling something that takes you back to a place that you have forgotten. A hazy vision of something you had visited long ago. On the tip of one's tongue, a riddle never to be remembered.

But he knows that he can only imagine. He has only a fleeting sense of what Jungkook feels. It’s sad. But that’s how it is. Sad. A bland, boring adjective but he feels as if it fits them perfectly. Borderline tragic, but reminiscing Romeo and Juliet and Shakespeare is not seemingly the task at hand. He already lived through that travesty once before.

Never will he again.

 

**-**

 

When Jungkook drifts off, that's where the fun begins.

He doesn’t know of the secrets that lurk at the very back of his mind, clawing its way to the front with a burning passion, a demon dangling the key right in front of him. If he was to walk forward and grab it, he would only delve deep into the lava below. He was destined to fail. Not once or twice - but thousands of times.

  
It’s around five am and he can hear every breath he takes, feel every eyelash flutter. He breathes in and out, lifting heavy limbs, attempting to get out of the confinements of his bed. He hates how weary he is, how his eyes seem to disobey his mind and stay glued shut.

He begs for them to open - and to  _stay open_.

 

**-**

 

Taehyung knows the younger knows too much already. But saying the words out loud left a bitter taste on the tip of his tongue.

“You know what you have to do,” A deep voice commands from the corner of his apartment, hidden by the closed curtain, only a pair of blazing red eyes stare at him, full of conviction and power. “You know what needs to be done.”

And he does know, he knows it all too well. He has done this a thousand times before. It should be easy, but it’s as hard as it was the first time. All those years ago...it’s a time he can hardly remember, like ink washing off his hand, and not a pen in sight to scribble it back on. “I know,” He voices solemnly, shoulders drooping as he lies back into his chair, sighing. “I know,” he repeats, quieter, more broken this time.

“I’ll have it ready by tomorrow.” The voice announces, gathering up countless ingredients from his shelves. Taehyung doesn’t stop them, he just wishes he didn’t always know what he meant. “Be prepared. This is not like the first time anymore, you should be used to this. This price, yes, it is of utmost heaviness to bear, but I know you are strong to carry it.”

Taehyung scowls. How dare they. They will never know the burden on the heart at watching your lover’s eyes drain of all memories of time well spent together. He isn’t as strong as he is described. They will never know the pain that comes along when he sees the usual sparkle in his lover’s eyes slowly simmer down into a casual glint - the glimmer of his eyes - repressed like the memories that get tucked away under some thick black rug in the mind.

He turns away and picks up an old book lying on the table in front of him, dust collecting on the top. He coughs as he wipes it off, settling back into the chair, wincing as the wooden slits groan beneath his weight. The book is as old as the demon himself, pagers aged with an ashen yellow, the cover torn and spilt at the edges, worn from the countless trips - countless countries he has ventured to over the centuries. It’s a book he keeps close to his heart. It is special to him, after all. But for a reason he wouldn’t like to disclose.

He watches the figure in the corner slowly disappear out of sight. Good riddance, he thinks. Yet the weight of tomorrow looms over his shoulders as once more - he’s going to lose who he’s been trying to find for years. But this is for the best, he says to himself, but it doesn't sound reassuring or believable.

 


End file.
